Imagine carrying two heavy bags of sugar on your chest every single day. I like to go running and in order to do this the "puppies" (as a male friend affectionately refers to them), have to be strapped down securely with a hammock of a sports bra. Apparently I am not exactly built to run.
I try to watch my diet but I weigh in at nearly ten stone and I'm convinced at least a stone of this has to be down to the baps.
One of my favourite actresses, Miranda Hart, commented on the fact that when she rolls over in bed her breasts clap together. I can empathise with this. When guesting on the TV Show Room 101 she requested to put her breasts in said room. Frank Skinner declined to do so on the basis they they were too delightful. Other men may agree with this viewpoint.
Very few of my erotica characters have excessively large breasts, and this is probably because I find them a burden, so it is hard to find them sexy. Especially now that I am getting older and I sometimes feel like they are swinging round my waist! Not an attractive look.
When I was younger I was often complimented on my "perfect" body when they were a manageable size 34B. Oh, those days are a distant memory now.....at least I have some photos from my glamour modelling to prove I did once have a figure! The joy of being able to wear a clingy halter neck dress without being constrained by a bra - and still look pert.
Aesthetically, I find a female body with smaller breasts far more erotic. I remember seeing German actress Nastassja Kinski in one of my favourite film's, Cat People, wearing a simple skirt and tight sweater - and nothing else - and she simply oozed sex appeal. I had serious breast envy.
So, how do you like yours?